Pellinor oneshots
by Eleve Osirian
Summary: Various ideas and concepts used as oneshots. Based on "The books of Pellinor" by Alison Croggon.
1. Live for you

_Disclaimer: Characters belong to Alison Croggon._

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Maerad sat at the edge of a great cliff overlooking the Western ocean. She watched the azure waves crash upon the jagged rocks below, and spray white foam into the salty air. The sound was calming, and she stretched herself out on the ground, listening to the rumbling reverberate off the stone. The sun shone brightly across her body, shielding her from the slight chill of the ocean breeze. In perfect contentment, she fell fast asleep.

When she woke up, Maerad found that someone had laid a dark, roughly woven cloak over her. She sat upright and realized that Cadvan had joined her at the precipice; his feet dangled over the side and he was leaning back on his arms. Smiling, she got up and joined him.

"You didn't need to give me your cloak," she said, and passed the item back to him.

Cadvan refused, and instead wrapped it around her shoulders. "I wanted to. Besides, you must be freezing with that dress!"

Maerad grinned, and peered back at the ocean. On the horizon, she noticed tiny dots of massive cargo ships passing by to deliver goods to some nearby port. "Do you think they enjoy sailing all the time?" she questioned.

Cadvan studied her curiously. "Well, if they didn't, why would they continue to sail?"

Maerad took a moment before answering him. " I know someone has to do that job, or else goods couldn't be transported. I just think that it must get tiresome."

Cadvan picked at the swale-grass that poked up through the cragged rockface. "Well then, I suppose they would find someone to replace them, so they could go and find something that is pleasing. Why do you ask?"

Her dark hair blew in a flurry of wind; her eyes blazed with passion. It reminded Cadvan of Lady Ardina when he had first beheld her, and her unprecedented beauty.

"I just feel like I should be doing something, instead of idly sitting here. I feel like I should be out fighting Hulls, or figuring out how to find the Treesong," she whispered. He could barely hear her over the thunderous water below."I need to help, Cadvan," she finished, throwing a pebble. She watched it land in the abyss below.

He stood, and she followed suit. "I assure you there will be plenty of time to do just that, Maerad. For now, relax."

Offering her his arm, they walked away from the sea.

"But how? I don't understand how you manage to drop all your cares when you enter the safety of a known School, despite the ever present danger." She gestured with her free arm before them.

Cadvan smiled. "I still have my worries, but why fret when there is peace and much beauty to be enjoyed?" Maerad just glanced at him.

They continued walking until the high towers of Norloch came back into sight. "Do you think we'll be needed, after this war is over Cadvan?" she asked. She withdrew her arm and made him stop midstep.

"Needed?" he asked, confused by her question.

"What will I do? I've know nothing except fighting for my life. The world won't need me once my use is spent defeating Sharma," she continued with depression apparent in her words.

Cadvan grasped her hands gently. "Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

Maerad looked into his deep blue eyes, and found understanding. He was her best friend, and she knew him well enough to heed his advice_. "I don't know what makes me come alive.."_ she said to herself.

"Do you know now what you will do?" he said, gazing intensely back at her.

"Well," she began, biting her lip, "I love to learn, and to sing. Perhaps I could teach?" she asked. She raised an eyebrow.

"It sounds like a plan, although I hope you let me come with you," Cadvan laughed. His sincerity made her beam with happiness and she understood why he could forget his worries here.

"By the light, of course you're coming with me! Do you honestly think I can learn how to teach on my own? I have to learn from the best first." She sent him a sidelong grin full of mischief.

"You shouldn't mock me, Maerad. I was being serious!" he exclaimed.

"So was I."

Cadvan swallowed hard and allowed his gaze to travel to her lush lips as she spoke. "Love also makes me alive Cadvan. Without it, I wouldn't be alive. That is why you must come with me." Before he could react, she wrapped her arms around him, and kissed his cheek.

"Then I am satisfied. I, too, would be dead if I didn't have you," he whispered before kissing her back, this time on the mouth.

Maerad smiled inside, finally knowing that no matter what happened, she would have Cadvan. And with Cadvan she would have a life; a life full of happiness and meaning.


	2. To whatever end

_To Whatever End..._

The moon rose graduallyfrom the horizon, beginning its continuing quest through the heavens. It was a slow journey, much like Maerad's, one that seemed to take ages, and one that never seemed to end. _It would never end._ Its goal however, seemed much more obtainable than hes at that moment.

Sighing, she pulled her blanket closer, and rolled over onto her side. Maerad had taken watch that night, as Cadvan had been exhausted; She hadn't seen him sleep this peacefully in a long time. His chest rose rhythmically up and down, the sound of his soft breathing putting her into a trance where she couldn't help but watch him.

"_If only he knew,"_ she thought to herself. _Maybe he does._

There had been moments when Maerad sensed he felt more than just friendship towards her, moments that his façade crumbled and he was completely open with her. This night however, had been different.

Maerad knew with every fiber of her being that she had to find Hem, but she had no idea where to go, where he could be. "He could be anywhere," Cadvan had said coolly to her.

"I realize that, but nevertheless we have to find him."

Cadvan had just sighed, and continued to build the fire. "Where do you suggest we look?"

"I…I don't know," Maerad said uncertainly, biting her lip.

Shielding the newly kindled fire with his hand, he looked up at her. "You don't know? Maerad, anywhere we travel now is not safe. You wish to find your brother and yet you have no idea where he is?"

"How could I?" she had retorted, angry at his harshness, although he had spoken the truth.

"It should be in your knowing, Maerad."

"Well It isn't. Perhaps since you know so much Cadvan, you could tell me why I can't feel my own brother's presence? Is that what you want to hear?" she said angry.

He swallowed and the glance he shot at her was one that made her cringe. In those eyes that held so much passion, also held a pool of anger, threatening to overwhelm him. "I'm simply saying I'm not going on a wild goose chase when you have no idea where we're going," he said mildly before standing up. "Excuse me, I need time alone."

He had left camp for what Maerad guessed to be an hour or so. When he returned, he looked stricken with many emotions. Looking at Cadvanwearily, he managed a faint smile, before he laid down. "Forgive me shortness, Maerad. I know how much finding Hem means to you…"

Pulling his blanket around himself, he peered over at her. "Would you take first watch? I'm so tired I think I could sleep longer than those beyond the gates tonight."

Nodding she had agreed.

She hadn't apologized for her anger, she remembered, as she lay staring at him now. The guilt washed over her, and she felt a tear trickle down her face and onto the ground. "I hate this," she whispered quietly to him, not wishing him to hear her words, but she needed to say them nonetheless. "After our fight in the pass, I said to myself that if you were still aliveI wouldn't deserve your company. And now every time we fight I feel like I'm losing you again. I'm sorry Cadvan. It's just….I'm afraid. Everything that is happening is so confusing; all the feelings and emotions, it's all new to me. Not long ago, I was fearful of all men thinking them all the same, until I met you…" She trailed off.

A started bird flew overhead, chirping in alarm causing Cadvan to shift in his sleep. He now faced her, his dark hair falling across his face. He looked so peaceful, as if he hadn't a care in the world, but the faint outline of the scar on his cheek told otherwise.

Reaching out, she brushed the hair from his face carefully as not to wake him. He continued to sleep causing her to smile, glad that he could escape his worries even if only for a few hours.

She turned away from him, and set her gaze watching the moon again. "It's beautiful," she whispered into the night.

"Yes, it is," she heard Cadvan whisper softly. Startled she looked over to see him open his eyes. He still looked exhausted, but the moonlight cast a light across his face that made Maerad shiver. _He is very handsome. _

"I'm sorry, if I woke you," Maerad said nervously.

Sitting up, Cadvan rubbed his face with his palms. "No, I couldn't really sleep anyway, with all that happened tonight," he said eyeing her.

_Couldn't really sleep. Did that mean he had heard what she said?_

She dared to glance over at him, as he rested his head on his knees. "You're still exhausted. Go back to sleep, I'll keep watch," she said standing up.

As suddenly as she moved, Cadvan grabbed her wrist. Startled, Maerad tore herself from his grip. She felt embarrassed at the reaction, but Cadvanjust took a deep breath in and laid his head back down on his knees. "Forgive me. It seems I've made many mistakes tonight."

Her heart beat so fast that she could hardly hear his words. _Why did I do that? _She couldn't explain her reaction, no matter how hard she tried. Did she fear Cadvan still?

Cursing herself, she sat back down. "No, I'm sorry. You just jumped me, that's all."

He smiled into his knees, glad that she wasn't upset. "We should get moving," he said finally, standing up and offering her a hand. Taking it, she stood up. Only this time, he didn't let go of her hand. Looking at him for an answer, she saw something in his eyes that she hadn't seen before. A deeper understanding of what she was feeling, and at that moment she knew that Cadvan had heard what she had said.

She didn't know what to do, or how to react, but Cadvan made it easy by releasing her hand. " I just want you to know, that no matter what we may experience, I'll always be here for you. I would follow you to whatever end," he said grabbing his pack.

Still feeling awkward, she fumbled for her pack. "..Whe..where are we heading?"

Cadvan smiled at her and walked a bit closer. "To find you brother," he said, kissing her cheek lightly, sending electricity through her body and igniting a passion she didn't know was possible.

Grinning happily, she nodded. Looking off to the north, she filled her lungs with air and began walking, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other.

Cadvan, who followed close beside her glanced at the determined expression set upon her face, and knew then he would risk his life for her, for his friend, for his love, and even if their journey ended their lives, he would do it willingly, so long as he could be with her.

"To whatever end.." he whispered to himself.


	3. Saliman POV

Saliman hadn't been away from his house very long; he had left to go speak with Har-Ytan about the increasing threat Imank was

Saliman hadn't been away from his house very long; he had left to go speak with Har-Ytan about the increasing threat Imank was imposing on the city. Walking through the winding stone clad streets, he couldn't believe how hot it had grown. _By the light, I hope Hem can get used to this sort of weather; even I still have trouble with it._

Chuckling to himself, he was surprised to see the young woman he had left at his house running towards him. _This bodes ill._ "Is something amiss?" he asked her in the speech, knowing she wasn't very fluent in Suderain.

"You have a visitor," she answered him, her cheeks flushed a bright red from running in the intense midday heat.

Nodding, he sent her off to tell Har-Ytan that he would be along as quickly as possible. Upon walking back to the house, he pondered who could be waiting. Perhaps one of Hem's teachers?

It was true that Hem hadn't been doing so well with his studies, as the language barrier seemed to impede him. But he knew that he would do better if he payed more attention. Reaching his door, he opened it to find Hem standing beside a tall man who looked very much displeased. Seeing Hem's face flooded with guilt, his eyebrows shot up to his hair line.

"Hem!" he said. "What have you been doing?" Alimbar el Nad! Greetings!

"_Hem, what have you done now?" _he asked himself painfully in his head.

The man, his sense of grievance exacerbated by the wait, poured out his complaint. While he spoke, Saliman nodded his head, listening attentively but his disapproval of Hem's actions didn't escape his notice. He shot a look at Hem that made him look down at his feet. Saliman knew Hem couldn't understand what the man was saying, and as he watched Hem rub his ear he felt some remorse for him.

The young boy didn't have a family; his mother and father had been killed when he was just a babe, and his sister was off in the wilderness searching for the treesong. In all reality, he couldn't blame the boy for not knowing better; he hadn't been raised properly. But it didn't excuse him from stealing.

Saliman invited inside, but he insisted that he would not enter. Nodding, Saliman promised him that Hem wouldn't trouble him again as he opened the door for him and watched him leave. _And now for the hard part._

Turning to Hem, he waved him inside. His eyes were hard and stern when he spoke to him."You," he said in Annaren, "I will deal with later. I want you to go to your chamber, and to stay there."

Hem seemed to tremble lightly before his anger as he nodded meekly and scurried off. Saliman shook his head, and went to attend to his business. While at the council, he couldn't help but think of how he should correct Hem. He felt like Hem should repay Alimbar, but knowing Alimbar's temper, he would not force it upon anyone, especially Hem.

After leaving, he made his way to Hem's room. He was going to throw the doors open, but he paused briefly, stifling his anger. "Hem, may I come in?"

It took a moment for Hem to answer, but he heard him scramble to the door to open it. He seemed to gawk at Saliman, whose red robes stood out against his long black hair that was tied back from his face in an intricate pattern of braids. He wore a golden brooch in the shape of a sunburst on his shoulder, which Hem knew as the crest of Turbansk.

Saliman looked at Hem with the same gaze he had given him earlier but he couldn't help the faint memories of his own childhood creeping into his thoughts that caused a faint ghost of a smile to appear on his face. _I shouldn't be too cross with him. He is only a child._

He looked passed Hem with a look of astonishment, seeing the mess of clothes piled on his bed. "I hope, Hem, that you are not thinking of running away?" he said, picking up a blue tunic.

Saliman thought briefly at the concept. What would he do if Hem did run away? It was true he had only just met the boy, but there was something about him that Saliman loved, adored; he imagined himself thinking that he could grow to be like a son to him and the thought wasn't all to quickly pushed aside. Looking back at Hem, he saw how nervous he was.

"No, I-I had to put the bird somewhere."

Saliman managed to keep his face expressionless, although he was finding it hard not to laugh at what Hem had just said. "Bird?" he asked simply.

He listened as Hem explained how he had found the young bird being attacked, and thought it necessary to save him. Hearing Hem's worry about getting his clothing soiled by leaving them in the box with the bird made him sigh and sit down on the side of Hem's bed. _He certainly is a lot like I was when I was still young; always getting into trouble.._

"Hem do you have any idea whose garden you entered today?"

Hem just shook his head. _How would he know?_

Saliman explained patiently that he had picked fruit from Alimbar's personal garden, who happened to be the consul of the Ernan, and fifth in authority to the Ernani herself. Hem just sat mollified.

.."After offering to place the spell of bounty on his house, a most exhausting and complicated charm, I might add, I managed to sooth him. Alimbar is a hasty and impatient man, quick to offense- and to give it truth be told."

He knew all to well that Alimbar expected Hem to be whipped, but he wouldn't bring himself to such actions, even if he did swallow his pride to keep peace. Knowing that Hem had caused a friction between the school and the court at a very bad time, he explained his anger carefully, so that Hem would perhaps heed his advice and behave.

"Hem," he said gravely. I am very angry with you, and I ought to punish you. But, to be honest, I don't believe it would make anything better than it is. So I will not be whipping you."

Hem just stared at the floor, his hair falling across his face; it stirred Saliman to feel sorry for him, but he kept his stern look. "So, you're not going to send me away?" he heard Hem's voice waver.

How could he have asked that? Perhaps I have been too harsh on him…

"Send you away," he said, noticing the surprise in his own voice too late. "Whether you stay here or not is your decision, Hem, not mine." My knowing_ tells me you should stay Hem but you are too young to understand such things. "_No, I would not send you away."

He turned his back to Hem, not wishing to show his true feelings. He felt sorry for Hem, he truly did, but he knew that Hem had to learn from his mistakes. "I'm sorry,"

Hem whispered.

"But are you?" Saliman asked, wishing his tone hadn't been so harsh.

"I am sorry," Hem said, a little more clearly.

Saliman just turned and looked at him, his pale skin clearly showing his unhappiness. Saliman had been faced with the decision of looking after the boy. He had accepted it, whole-heartedly, without even knowing he had felt love for Hem. Maerad and Cadvan were counting on him, as was Hem.

Just as a father would, he joined hem next to the bed. "What is making you so unhappy?" he asked gently.

Sitting there for a long while, Hem explained himself quite a bit to Saliman, making him step back and re-examine the situation Hem was in. For the first time since he had met Hem, he saw the respect and love he returned in his actions, and his words, and he could''t help but smile.


	4. Light and Darkness

**Disclaimer: same as always, own nothing, yada yada...**

**Well, here's another smidgin of fiction for you all to read until i can find time to write on my others. Please be kind and review.**

_"Although I knew that we had lost  
The hope and glory of our life ;  
And now, benighted, tempest-tossed,  
Must bear alone the weary strife."_

A brilliant light engulfed the world surrounding Maerad and Cadvan as she struck the last cord on her lyre, and even as the huge iron tower came crashing down on them, peace was the only thing that filled their minds; an overwhelming joy and sense of relief.

It was in that relief that Cadvan found a vastness, an expanse of nothing where it seemed right to be. Although he neither felt, nor saw, nor thought, it was good; it was pleasant. Had it not been for sound returning to him, an intense ringing in his ears, he would've let himself traverse through the light, bathe it in, until it consumed him.

Flickering his eyes open, everything became black; smoke and dust filled his lungs, choking him, and he could faintly hear the muffled cries of those still fighting outside the iron waste that lay around him. A metallic taste lingered in his mouth, most likely blood from an impact.

Coughing, he threw up; the stench of the hot steel and burnt flesh made him so sick that his insides nearly condensed themselves into nothing to be free of it.

After evaluating his circumstances, he came to grips with what had happened. Maerad had played the treesong; it was now up to him to do his part. "_But how?"_ he thought to himself.

The radiant light still seemed to fill his thoughts, but he couldn't see anything around him. He could, however, feel the enormous steel barriers, and thanked the light they hadn't fallen on him.

Then it hit him. _Maerad._

"Maerad?" he called, not sure if he was even speaking.

"Maerad!" he yelled again, the words catching in his throat that was severely parched. For what seemed an eternity he called her name, hoping that he would hear something, feel something, anything.

Finally, when he realized his vision wouldn't return to its normal state any time soon, he slowly sat up on his knees until he felt the metal bar that had been lodged into his leg. Crying out, he fell backwards. He felt the warm blood run down his leg, as the beat of his heart continued to pump it out of his body. Gritting his teeth, he felt for the rod and with a quick pull, he removed it. Sucking in air, he waited a few moments for the pain to subside before fumbling for the edge of his cloak, which he ripped to use as a bandage.

Hearing a faint movement, he looked up. All he could see was darkness but he knew it was Maerad.

"I'm here." He heard her say.

A hope was reunited within his body, as he crawled towards her voice.

"Where?" he said panicking slightly.

"Here."

Finding her, he felt for her face, which he held in his hand. "We made it…we made it Maerad," he whispered, a smile trying to form on his face.

He felt her smile slightly at his statement. "..You said we would."

Sitting back to relieve the pain in his leg, he found her hand and held it in his. "Did you see it? The bright flash? By the light it was beautiful, Maerad. There was light everywhere, like this entire place was built from it."

"No I didn't see it," she mumbled.

"I wish you could've seen it," he replied, desiring his vision even more. After pondering his situation, he gathered it was merely that he was in a destroyed tower that didn't let any light filter in.

Hearing Maerad suck in air, he gripped her hand tighter. "What is it?" he asked worriedly.

"I-I can't go with you, Cadvan." She stated softly.

"What?" he asked confused. _What was she talking about?_

Remembering his bardic powers, he summoned a magelight. Wincing from the sudden, burning orb that appeared, he looked back at Maerad, blinking. _No…_

There were several rods that pinned Maerad down, each one similar to the one that had punctured his leg. "Oh no…no…" he stuttered, feeling the length of the iron that skewered Maerad.

"It's alright. I can't really feel them." Maerad whispered.

Forgetting his own pain, he knelt beside her, trying to figure out what to do. Maerad couldn't die. He wouldn't let her.

"Maerad," Cadvan began, watching her face, which was marred with bruises, cuts, and scrapes, much like his own. "..Maerad, no..." he repeated, not knowing what do to or say. He stroked her face gently, wishing he could do or say anything but he just didn't have it within himself to speak.

The ache in his heart grew rapidly as he sat helplessly beside Maerad. She did not cry out in pain, but merely looked around the room as if it were a beautiful hall. The increasing sounds of clashing metal and screams were enveloping the half-erect room, until Maerad turned to look at Cadvan.

"It's time….I-I've done all that I can do. You have to do the rest," she murmured finally, her words leaving her mouth in a smooth, steady pattern that made Cadvan believe she had been thinking of what to say while the silence had passed between them.

"I can't…. Not without you." He pleaded, his shaking hands feeling the delicate frame of her face.

"Yes you can. I've always believed you can," she said softly.

Staring into her eyes, he could see the light beginning to fade; it wouldn't be long now.

"Maerad, please…don't leave me," he begged softly, kissing her hand even though it was covered with dried blood. He couldn't imagine living without her.

"Do you remember," she began, closing her eyes. "…The last thing I said to you when we were arguing in the pass?"

Cadvan set his mouth in a firm line, but nodded.

"I-I wish I hadn't," she said, shuttering. "That was my last thought. I…I wish I had one more chance to say what really mattered-to say how much I loved you…." She continued, observing his face with such emotion and intensity that caused a lump to form in Cadvan's throat, threatening to suffocate him.

"….How grateful I was for every moment I was with you. But by the time I figured out what I wanted to say, it was too late." she breathed out, exhausted at the effort she had to put forth even to whisper.

Cadvan sat there absorbing her words, the feel of her hand, and the sight of her eyes looking back into his. He didn't want to let her go. Maerad was the last thing he had left; it had been Maerad that saved him from spiraling into some dark place, and he didn't want that light in his life to be extinguished.

Feeling her grip his hand tighter, he shook himself. _Think of right now._

"But you brought me back…" she smiled lightly, her eyes half open. "You gave me my wish….one more chance to say what I really wanted to say," she swallowed hard, the glow of the magelight reflected in her eyes..

"Maerad, no..no.." he cried, his face close to hers. "You can't die…you can't."

"Yes, I can." She whispered, taking the last bits of her strength to wipe the tears from his cheeks. "You have to be strong..for me."

Grabbing his hand, she moved it to one of the metal rods. "Help rid me of this," she murmured.

Cadvan watched her, not moving his hand. He couldn't. It were those very bars threatening to steal her life that were keeping her grounded to earth. Taking them out would mean…

"Please," she said as if reading the apprehension in his face. "If I'm going to die, let me die with dignity."

Taking his hand away, he covered his face, shaking his head. "No," he said sternly. "I will not," he said after a few moments had passed.

Maerad didn't argue with him; she simply sighed, resting her eyes, which had lost much of their deep blue hue to a red sea of blood vessels that made her eyes sting. She could feel the blood rising in her throat, the urge to cough becoming harder and harder to suppress. She also noticed that she was very cold, as she had been when traveling to the Ice Palace.

Taking her chances, she reached for the spoke nearest her. Gripping it tightly, she took a deep breath and pulled it quickly away from her body. It was then she felt pain for the first time.

"AH!" she cried out, struggling to free herself from the entrapment only to cause herself more pain.

Cadvan immediately rushed to her side, knowing he couldn't leave her like this. Taking a moment to caress her face, he spoke softly, "Shhh…" he whispered, trying to distract her from the pain. Regaining her composure slightly, she begged him with her eyes to help her.

Feeling the tears well up again in his eyes, he nodded solemnly. Reaching down for the last piece of iron, his hand wavered slightly in the air until he summoned enough courage to remove it from Maerad's side. Hearing her cry out again, he felt like he himself was dying; as if every drop of blood she lost was his own, every ounce of pain she felt came from his own body, and he gathered her up in his arms and held her close.

Gripping her stomach, she stopped screaming; the pain had subsided somewhat, but she felt tired, and wanted nothing more than to rest.

Leaning her head against Cadvan's chest, she opened her mouth to draw in air better. "I-I can see it, Cadvan," she whispered, bringing her hand up to lie against his chest as well.

"What?" he questioned.

"The-the light.." she replied, her answer no louder than a whisper.

"You can?" he asked, biting back his grief.

"It-it's beautiful," she said shaking. Feeling her tremors, Cadvan held her closer.

"….Go then, Maerad. Bask in it, be it," he added softly. He could hardly believe he had been able to say it.

"It's not goodbye, Cadvan." She mumbled into his tunic. "It's just...another path..one we all must take."

Nodding, he kissed the top of her head, resting his own on hers. He could feel her cool breath against his skin, as the warm blood that seeped from her wounds absorbed into his shirt. He was surprised at how silent the world had become in the minutes they sat there in each other's arms; all he could hear was the beat of his own heart, which blurred his vision with its furious speed.

"I love you," she whispered finally, drawing in a sharp breath.

"I love you, Maerad." He replied softly, holding her even tighter, grabbing on to one of her hands.

She smiled lightly, taking several breaths before the fading light in her eyes failed and she became still.

Mouth agape, Cadvan wept silently in shock as he felt the life within Maerad abandon her body, leaving only her limp shell behind; he felt himself rocking back and forth, cradling her still against him. He cried without restraint, the echoes of his voice reverberating of the crumbled walls.

For what seemed like an eternity, Cadvan sat there alone, still holding Maerad. He had long since become devoid of any emotion; it was as if he was a stone and nothing could touch him, not even the stray ray of sunshine that found its way into the dark recess. He had spent all his tears, and had been sitting there silently, listening to the shouts of victory outside the tower.

Settling against a downed timber, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes, slipping back towards the light he had so dearly loved and never wanted to leave. And it was there that he forgot about his pain, for the light consumed him, filling him up until he became the light. And it was then that he realized what the light was, and he embraced it willingly.

**:( yes i was in a sad mood when i wrote this, but we wont go into that...**

**If it has obvious spelling mistakes, my apologies, ive been up for :looks at clock: 27 1/2 hours..lol**

**And yes, i had a bit of motivation :D**

**Kiaga**


	5. seasons

**Alright...basically something got really screwed up that made it so people couldn't review this as chapter four..so hopefully i've fixed the problem and you can all review :) :)**

**To be safe, I am just going to say: SINGING SPOILER SINGING SPOILER SINGING SPOILER..I don't want to be responsible for spoiling the last book..although I don't think there is anything...but still don't read this if you haven't read the singing! (please..:P )**

**Please review, even if you don't have an account, I accept annon. reviews :) **

**Sorry for spelling mistakes, I punched it out and didn't really have anyone edit it, although Laramie did tell me a few things :)**

Maerad sat next to Cadvan, admiring the newly fledged colors of fall- fiery reds to brilliant oranges, to golden yellows. There were even a few emerald green maples, adding to the already beautiful palette of harvest colors. She had found him here, late in the afternoon after returning from Turbansk to visit Hem, sitting comfortably against a massive fir, its needles providing a soft cushion to rest on.

He hadn't spoke for a long while, but Maerad knew he was thinking deeply, his eyes set firmly on something far in the distance as he traversed something within his head. Finally he sighed, wrapping his dark cloak close to him before taking Maerad's hand, his thumb fiddling with her ring.

"Do you remember the first time we came here?" Cadvan asked gently, turning his head lazily against the tree to look at her. "You thought you could surprise me, but little did you know I already knew of your plans," he smiled.

"How could I forget?" she smiled, squeezing his hand tighter. "I can never surprise you, but that's the curse of being in love with a truth teller I suppose," she added, also smiling.

Cadvan was now 80 in human years, and they had spent the most of them in Lirigon, although they did travel to other schools frequently. His hair was not much lighter than it had been in his earlier years, which offset his soft blue eyes as attractively as it had so many years before. He bore a few new creases and scars across his face, but he still looked so full of life, so full of an unseen eternal energy. He always managed to stir her emotions when he was near her.

"I don't understand," she said, studying his face. "How is it that you do not grow old, yet I do?" she laughed, shaking her head. "My hair is definitely lighter than yours now, yet you're much older than me."

"Ah, don't let your mind fool you. I feel much older than I look. Perhaps it's just your love for me speaking," he said thoughtfully. He stretched out his legs before him, wincing slightly at a root that caught his calf during the process.

"So you think love has blinded me?" she asked playfully, a serious tone crept into her voice even as she spoke the words.

"Well, that's not what I meant, but it wouldn't surprise me if it were true," he smiled softly, brushing the needles from his legs and his cloak.

* * *

For a while they sat there, content in their peaceful companionship, admiring the land around them. It wasn't until the night's chill reached for their bare skin with an icy claw that either of them spoke aloud. "It grows late, Cadvan," Maerad stated lightly, rising from his shoulder to look at his face.

"Yes, it grows late. You should get inside before you freeze," he stated, smoothing her wind tossed hair with his hand.

"Well, I'm not going to leave without you!" she laughed lightly, before realizing the look on his face, one that she had never seen before. "Cadvan?"

"Hmm?"

"Is something wrong?" she asked, the smile fading from her face.

His answer was not immediate, causing worry to blur her senses. He had never acted so distant, so removed from her. She wondered what was on his mind that would cause such distraction. As if mirroring her thoughts, he cleared his throat and spoke. "Aye, it should think it is Maerad," he said seriously, finally looking into her eyes.

"Well what is it?" she pried, holding onto his arm.

She could see the hesitation in his eyes, a fear he dare not voice on her behalf and it made her sick with panic. "Of what do you speak?" she whispered lightly, reading his eyes.

Closing his eyes, he turned his head away from her. "Each and every living thing has its season. For example, the leaves of a tree," he said, gesturing blindly around him. "A leaf is created, forms a bud, grows into a leaf, lives its life for the tree, then when it has exhausted its use, it returns back to the earth so that another leaf may take its place the following year," he finished. Exhaustion seemed to cover his face before Maerad had time to take in his meaning.

"Why are you saying this?" she whispered again, hurt registering in her voice.

"I believe my season is nearly over, Maerad," he said after a few moments.

Shaking her head, Maerad clutched his arm tighter. "No," she stated, turning his face to look into his eyes once more. "You're season is not over."

Sighing, he shivered in a cool breeze, causing Maerad to edge closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder.

"My eyes darken," he whispered, using a considerable amount of his energy to lift her chin. He could hardly keep his eyes open to hold her gaze. "It can be Maerad, and it is. I can feel it."

She whimpered, bringing her arms tightly around his waist burying her face into his chest. "I'm going to save you," she exclaimed softly, kissing his chest lightly.

"Maerad," he started again, this time a new strength in his voice. "My body is spent. I have lived my days of darkness and light. I have made my peace with this life, and I'm content with what I've been blessed with. It's time that I move on," he said, lightly caressing her tear stained cheek.

"You're all that keeps me from slipping into some dark place Cadvan," she pleaded, taking his hand. "You're my love…you- you're my life, and I cannot bear the thought of you leaving me," she sobbed.

"I will never leave you, Maerad. No matter where I go or whatever I see, I will always be with you," he reminded her.

She couldn't answer him, but she silently caressed his face as he closed his eyes. He looked so tired, as if his age had caught up to him within minutes. Trembling, Maerad managed to kiss his cheek before speaking. "Promise me….promise that you will wait for me," she whispered, watching as he reopened his eyes.

"I will do my best, love. Though what death holds is a secret only the dead keep," he said faintly.

Nodding, she tried swallowing the immense lump of loss that had gathered in her throat, but it did not budge. Instead it seemed to grow with the passing minutes. Finally he drew in a deep breath and smiled at her, his brilliant smile that she had always loved.

"I can see them," he spoke softly.

"What?" Maerad responded, confused. She could see nothing but the forest around them.

"Those who have past before us, I can see them just as I see you," he spoke, absorbed in his amazement. His eyes softened as he looked around the landscape, and Maerad knew within her heart death was not something she could fight, or even comprehend for that matter. Cadvan's death was not an option; she had to accept it whether she wished him to live or not. It wasn't a choice, like the choice she had made to stay with him- it was a fact; a fact that chilled her to the bone.

Maerad searched for the people he spoke of, but she realized she would not see them; it might be her heart breaking, but Cadvan was dying, not her. Holding him closer, Maerad slowly crept into a state of shock, trying to will away the grim reality that faced her- a life without Cadvan. A life without the very thing her life revolved around. To her, it would not be life, but rather torture, an inescapable future in which she would linger on, in darkness and in doubt until old age accepted her.

"I love you, Cadvan," she said, bringing him back from his astonishment. "In case you should ever forget it, I love you. More than life, and more than death. I love you more than the stars love the sky, more than the birds love the freedom of flying, more than a babe loves its mother. And in case I should never hear you speak again, I want you to know I will never stop loving you," she ended in barely more than a whisper, her face close to his.

"I love you," he said silently with his eyes, caressing the side of her face with a weak hand. "If I had but an ounce of strength left…" he began, smiling lightly at her, "... but my strength betrays me," he ended, resting his head against the tree. He wasn't able to tell Maerad everything he wished to, but Maerad knew it. She didn't need to hear him speak to know his heart; their love allowed a silent understanding to pass between them whenever words ceased.

Reaching up, she took his hand in hers, wrapping her small fingers around his and pressing it against her face. "Please stay with me," she begged, leaning forward to kiss him. He reacted, kissing her back, but it was such a weak kiss that Maerad began to tremble with fear.

"Cadvan," she whispered into his lips. She waited for a response as his eyes flickered open and closed, hoping beyond hope that he wouldn't die. She watched as he finally succumbed and closed his eyes, his breathing becoming shallow.

"Don't leave me," she pleaded quietly against his skin as the faint surge of his last breath passed from his lungs, and his hand became limp in hers. "Don't leave me," she repeated, her mouth agape trying to hold back her emotions.

He lay still now, beneath her hands that frantically stroked his face. "Please," she choked out, now leaning her forehead against his. "Cadvan," she mouthed against his cheek, repeating his name as if he would answer her.

But he did not answer, nor would he ever answer her. He would lie without thought of anything but freedom, his spirit free to wander where it wished. She would no longer hear his whispers, nor his laughter, the laughter that always brightened her day. He would no longer smile, nor comfort her. Instead, he would lay silently beneath the trees until Maerad had spent out the last of her days, when she would join him in an eternal slumber.

Still clutching Cadvan for dear life, she watched silently as the trees wept for her lost love, leaves raining down upon them as a testament to Cadvan's words. "_Life goes on," _she could almost hear him say.

And it did, for another ninety years.

**aww.. sorry it was sad...I'm sure it could've been a bit better..please tell me what you think, regardless**

**Thanks everyone,**

**Kiaga**


	6. Back At One

Cadvan sat resolute by the crackling fire, as he waited for Maerad to finish bathing in the nearby creek. He had repeated the words over in his head numerous times, and now that it came to it, he wasn't going to deny his heart. He knew they should be together. How could he feel such a burning passion within himself if it wasn't real?

Hearing splashing, Cadvan smiled. _She is like a dream come true._ He wished he didn't have a fear rising within him, threatening to enclose his words in its cold grasp and keep them locked inside. But as the noises ceased, and Maerad walked back towards the campsite, Cadvan felt it overtake his mind, and he had to look away to regain control.

"I'm surprised the water was so warm," Maerad said, toweling off her wet hair. "It's about time I had some luck," she ended with a small laugh.

"It's fed by the Undara River, which flows from the Lamarsan. Don't expect such luck to hold," he smirked, throwing another piece of wood onto the fire.

"I try to forget our failing luck," she responded as the smile faded. "Going towards Dagra is the last thing I want to think of," she answered truthfully. Sighing, she pulled her boots back off, rubbing them with linseed oil to keep them functional.

Studying her a moment, Cadvan leaned back against his pack. "Well then, what do you want to think of Maerad?" he asked gently.

Looking up for a brief moment, Maerad recognized the compassion in his face, the great bond she shared with him naked in his eyes. Alone, he always changed his façade, becoming gentler and less reserved with her. It was that time she enjoyed most.

"Well," she thought. "Anything, really. What were you thinking?" she asked, wondering if he would answer her truthfully as she continued her work.

"When?" he replied.

"Just then, when I looked up at you," she smiled, grabbing a clean cloth to wipe her hands down.

"It was nothing," he finally spoke, taking the tin from the fireside. "It was just an idea."

"An idea?" she said, watching him closely now. "For what?"

"Us," he spoke softly, setting his boots aside, meeting her gaze.

Cadvan barely made out the slight jump while he spoke, hoping he hadn't frightened her.

"What do you mean?" she asked seriously.

"Maerad, I don't think you realize how much you mean to me," he answered her, not waiting for a response. "Before I met you, I didn't think I would make it another fortnight, let alone another year. It was in so much pain and turmoil that I would have felt better just to give in," he told her truthfully, stunning Maerad with his unguarded emotions.

"But then I met you. You were the lifeline I so desperately needed," he frowned, stirring the fire.

"I haven't done anything Cadvan. If…if anything I've put you in more danger. And to be completely honest, I've been nothing but a burden, even to myself," she whispered.

"Danger, perhaps. But my life was already full of darkness. I do not regret my decision to take you away from the Cot, nor will I ever," he spoke firmly. "You've been stubborn at times, but never a burden."

He wanted to reveal that he loved her but seeing the tears well up her eyes, he crossed the distance between them as nothing more than a friend desiring to comfort her. "I'm sorry if I've upset you, Maerad," he apologized, sitting close to her.

"No, it's not you, Cadvan," she shook her head, leaning into his shoulder. "I never thought I would have such a friend who cares so greatly. I never dreamed I would feel so safe. And even if we are facing the nameless one, I am more than glad I am doing so with you," she said, a lone tear falling from her eye.

"As am I," he said, hugging her.

"But I've always wondered, what are you going to do if we do destroy Sharma?" she asked, great sadness clear in her shaky voice.

"For one, I want to be wherever you are," he began.

"Really?" she asked before he cut her off.

"Two, I want to show you the wonders of Edil-Amarandh," he continued.

"And three?" she asked, looking into his eyes.

"I will kiss you," he finished, still holding her close.

For some time she did not answer, and Cadvan began wondering if he had said the wrong things. His heart constricted, a wincing pain crawling its way into his mind as silence consumed the air around them. Then, when he least expected it, she spoke, allowing him to breath once more.

"I'd like that," she whispered.


	7. So Far Away

Admiring the tangled rosebushes before her, Maerad breathed in their heavenly scent as a fresh morning breeze brushed through her flowing hair before crossing the threshold into her chamber. "Springtime," she whispered, sighing with content as she listened to the cheerful calling of cardinals and finches in the nearby forest.

Since defeating Sharma, life had taken on a beautiful calling much like that of the birds, one that Maerad found irresistibly haunting. She considered the treesong to be the explanation, for it flowed lyrically in everything around her, a constant reminder of a renewed world. But her heart truly thumped to the rhythm of finally being just Maerad. After the jubilation and triumph of her victory had dwindled, people had begun to give her the privacy she needed. No longer was she concerned with what others thought of her, for she was content being unnoticed. _Well, that was almost true._

Smiling, she turned, adoring Cadvan who slept peacefully beneath the warm blankets pulled half way up his lean body. Since discovering his true feelings for her, the same day he had gathered her up into his arms and kissed her without reserve at the relief she was alive, she had learned much of love. Things she never knew were possible that been revealed to her because of that man.

Prying her eyes from caressing his face, she had to remind herself it was ok to watch him. _"This is my life now," she reminded herself. "It's definitely not what it was before. And all these feelings I've shared…the dreams I'd never lived before…." _she trailed off.

Hearing Cadvan clear his throat, she was tugged from her reverie as he rolled over, pulling the sheets further up to protect against the open door. Although Maerad wanted him to be comfortable, it was midmorning and Cadvan should have been well out of bed at this point. Giggling, she sat down beside him, stroking his forehead softly with her fingertips until his eyes fluttered open.

"I could have sworn I was dreaming," he mumbled, closing them again. "I was wrong," he smiled brilliantly, pulling her down next to him.

"Cadvan," she scolded playfully, laughing as he held her close. "_I never used to smile like this,"_ she realized, taking in the sight of his alluring blue eyes. How she loved him dearly, wishing she could lie here with him forever.

"You shouldn't be sleeping," she noted, bringing her lips mere centimeters from his before stopping. "Our guests might be upset."

Her lips were so tantalizingly close, that he leaned forward slightly, futilely trying to capture her mouth with his own. Maerad accounted for the advance by pushing him back. Searching her face, she could almost make out the silent plea conveyed through his facial expression, one filled with much desire.

"And why should I reward you?" She laughed, sitting back up. She no longer felt embarrassed with Cadvan nor insecure about her past. Instead, she felt nothing but ease when talking to him, as if she had known him for centuries. However, giving in to passion would do nothing but merit another excuse as to why they had the right to laze about, a trait she didn't wish to inherit despite the nagging in her heart that told her to stay.

"I'm going downstairs. Hem will be wondering where I am," she said, playing with his fingers. They fit perfectly with hers as they intertwined.

Nodding, Cadvan rubbed his eyes. "I don't think I've ever been this tired; not even whilst chasing after Hulls and lost siblings!"

"Then rest," she urged, kissing his forehead. "It's alright. I was teasing you."

"I know," he responded, smiling back before closing his eyes.

Grinning brightly, she made to leave before deciding to write him a note for when he did decide to rise from bed. With all the thoughts now racing through her mind, they were dying to be spoken. Scratching it out quickly, she tucked it into his tunic where she was sure he would find it. One last moment to take in his handsome form, Maerad closed the door gently behind her.

_Now that we're here, it's so far away- all the struggle we thought were in vain. And all in the mistakes, my one life contained,  
they've all finally started to go away. I feel like i can face the day, Cadvan. I __can forgive and i'm not ashamed to be the person that i am today._

_It is because of you I'm proud of being alive. Of being Maerad of Pellinor._

_I love you_

_-Maerad_


	8. Not everything Changes

Massive granite blocks lay beneath their feet as the couple made their way to one of the garden's most fragrant abodes, its beauty secluded boxed in by great walls of hedges. The aromas alone were enough to baffle one's senses, the myriad of assorted plants, ferns and vines intertwined around the gateway they passed under.

Cadvan had tried to keep his gaze fixed sternly upon the young woman standing before him, but he found it impossible. He hadn't seen her in over a year for various reasons, one being that he didn't want to hurt her anymore than he already had. However, a burning guilt had driven him to return and make new a scarred friendship that he so desperately needed.

He shuddered involuntarily as he watched her take a seat on the low bench before him. On the surface, Maerad had changed little; she still held the same penetrating eyes, her hair still gleamed as a fountain of brilliance, though it did seem a bit longer. Yet somehow he could tell that Maerad's air of bold confidence had increased in the past year, overlaid by a cynicism that shone in her deep blue eyes. She had matured since his departure, coming to terms with who she was and what she truly desired, and for once, Cadvan was at a loss.

"Maerad," he began slowly, unsure of what he wanted to say. Despite the hint of a smile that touched Maerad's lips, her face was now a strangely harsh one. "I am sorry for the grief I've caused you."

Studying his ancient yet youthful face, Maerad's intense glare didn't falter, but rather gained an edge of spite. "You left me..." she began, biting her lip. He waited patiently for her to continue."I was told you left because you couldn't help me any further, but that isn't the truth is it Cadvan?"

"Nay, it is not the whole truth. But my knowing tells me you know why I left, which brings me to ask why you did not write," he refuted, with much hurt that she hadn't attempted to bridge the gap that had grown between them.

"What would I have said?" she replied, crossing her arms. "It wouldn't matter anyway…it wouldn't of changed how you feel.." she trailed off, her determined façade crumbling. ""You still believe I am incapable of love."

Through the months of waiting upon a dying hope that he'd return, Maerad had nearly given in to the reality that Cadvan did not love her nor would he ever; it had been a mere shadow and a thought that he might, yet despite her conclusions she couldn't bear not thinking of him and wishing to behold his handsome face again, regardless of her wounded pride.

"Do you even know what I feel?" he asked gently, taking a seat beside her. "Or do you just assume the worst due to your unhealed heart?" he finished, reaching for her delicate hand. "You are capable of many things, Maerad. In the past years of knowing you, I've learned enough not to question whether you are able to do anything, least of all capable of love."

"If you cared for me, why would you leave?" she whispered, a tear falling from her shadowed eyes. "You hadn't even the courage to inform me of your decision to abandon me," she spoke lightly, reverting to her old self where he easily manipulated her emotions.

"Did you not read a single letter I sent you?" he inquired, leaning to see her face, which was now hidden by from his sight. She shook her head. "Then it is foolhardy to say I didn't care; that I don't care now. Maerad, I felt such a stirring here with you, in the time we were together. I wasn't sure it was real…if you were ready to move past your insecurities and mistrusts. I had to leave for both of our sakes, you know this."

Sighing, she wiped the tears away with her sleeve. Although she wouldn't admit it, Maerad had long since forgiven him. She was simply thankful he was near her again.

"Did you enjoy your time away?" she mumbled finally, unable to bring herself to look at him.

"Not a moment," was his response as he cupped her face, forcing her to review his sincerity. "I lived in torture thinking of these moments…the time I was missing that could've been spent by your side."

"Why did you not return then?" she contemplated, sorrow evident in her voice.

"You needed time to grow on your own…without _my_ influence," he told her, caressing her cheekbone with his fingers.

She knew he had only tried to accommodate her life, molding and morphing himself to fit her needs and desires. It was self-centered and witless to believe he would ever leave her due to a lack of emotion on his part. "I…I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry," she answered hesitantly. " I have changed, Cadvan, as everything else has, it seems."

Studying her for a moment, he swallowed his fear, wondering if all his caution had been for naught. "My feelings for you have not changed."

Averting her gaze, Maerad made to stand before he mimicked her motions, turning her once more to face him. Her heart raced, beating with such speed that she nearly jumped at his warm hands on her forearms, and his gentle voice that repeated those fated words. "_I love you." _

"Cadvan, I-" She started, unsure if a response was possible. Deep within her, an old feeling surfaced, bringing with it all the joys and wonders love held in its grasp.

"Shh," he placed a finger over her lips, as he brought her into an embrace. "I know you, Maerad. And I know your heart; I don't need to hear an explanation or a confession on your part."

Giving in, she wrapped her arms around him, once again mesmorized by his soothing voice. "I promise I will never leave you again," he whispered into her ear, his warm breath causing her to shift closer to him. "I'll love you forever, until the end of my life and past the darkest recesses of time, I swear it," he hugged her tighter, wishing her tears away.

"Forever is more than just a word," she replied, pulling back slightly to look into his eyes. "I'm not sure you realize what you are saying," she sniffed.

Smiling, Cadvan brushed the hair from away from her face. "Dear heart,_ love_ is more than a word. It is trust, understanding, and most of all, the deepest form of compassion any being can feel. And like forever, it is something every historian has failed to capture in writing," he said leaning forward, daring to kiss her.

All the past discrepencies flew out the door at the sweet taste of his lips against hers, each movement a testament of his love for her, of how he meant every word that had escaped his mouth.

"I love you," she managed as she broke away. The amazing sensation had yet to leave her mouth, which still enthrawled her thoughts into incomprehensible strands but she didn't need her mind to speak; her heart spoke for her. She was finally ok with Cadvan being more than her mentor or her best friend. She didn't need to fear his touch nor his words, and it was the best relief she could have asked for.

Smiling, Cadvan kissed her forehead. "I'm glad you forgive me," he said bringing her into another hug. "I truly am."


	9. Rose Garden of Il Arundh

Maerad beheld the ravishing beauty of Il Arunedh and gasped. She hadn't expected to see so many blossoms, for neither the flowers of Innail nor Lirigon had ever piled so high amongst the brick walls of the buildings. Examining row after row of the soft pastel hues, she drifted into a fantasy-like daze where everything was perfect and time stood still; it was no secret as to why the School was a place of great pilgrimage.

"I knew you would find them stunning." Cadvan noted her astonishment; his eyes alight with mischief. "They have waited here for centuries, carefully biding their time until the Fire lily herself could look upon them and beam with satisfaction."

Maerad couldn't help but blush at his comment as she sat underneath one of the trellises that supported the heavy bushes. His loving friendship had granted her many new and exciting experiences since the downfall of the Nameless one, only some of which could surpass the exhilarating moment she now found herself in.

"Cadvan," she began, waiting as he joined her on the low bench. "Would you ever leave me?"

His eyebrows furrowed for a moment before he laughed. "How could I?" he replied, taking her hand. "W_hy_ would I is the better question."

His inquiry had made her realize how foolish she had sounded. "What I meant was why do you love me?" she corrected. Her pride wouldn't admit it but she felt as if her existence would be for not if he ever left her; she needed Cadvan.

Cupping her delicate face, he seemed to understand. "Nobody, not even poets, has ever measured what the heart can hold within its recesses. To explain why I love you would take ages."

"Hmm," she murmured, taken in by the sweet aroma filled garden and the warmth of Cadvan's hand. He continued cradling her face, inching his way forward to kiss her gently. "You have too much free time if you contemplate such things," he chided playfully, stroking her cheekbone. "For surely you must know why I brought you here in the first place?"

Maerad paused, knowing not why her heart began to race. "You always told me you would," she answered hesistantly; it had not been the planned response.

Nodding, he didn't seem to notice her blunder. "Aye, I did."

A breezed joined their company as Cadvan found a rose and turned to face her again. "Maerad, time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear," he said wisely, twisting the floret. Maerad continued to watch with curiosity, absorbing his words with much furor and devotion.

"It is too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love…" he trailed off, flashing his brilliant smile as his eyes met hers.

"Yes?" Maerad asked impatiently, her soul screaming with anticipation.

He placed the rose in her hand, closing her fingers around its thornless stem. "…time is eternity."

Her breath caught in her throat as he revealed a small piece of jewelry from his pocket. "Little did you know, Il Arunedh is also known for crafting rings," he smiled.

"Cadvan I-"

He did not cut her off; her reaction died on her tongue on its own accord as he slipped the ring onto her finger. Her veins constricted, her lungs became devoid of air. The world ceased its rotation and the noises of every creature ended except the quiet breath exhaled from Cadvan's chest. She no longer wafted the scent of the roses nor felt the beams of golden sunlight that crossed her face as he gazed at her so tenderly that she found herself melting. Time truly granted her forever to bask in this moment as Cadvan finished speaking, his voice little more than a whisper as he leaned his forehead against hers. "I want you to marry me."


	10. Love so Free

"Good morning!" Maerad called cheerfully across the dusty arena.

Indik continued sharpening his blade against the whetstone. "What brings you here at this hour, young mage?" he asked curiously.

Maerad didn't wish to comment. Truth be known, she wanted a moment before her next lesson to spend with Cadvan. "I couldn't sleep." A simple response but one that satisfied his interest. Watching as he slid the palm-sized stone down the sword's edge in one quick movement, she waited until he finally stood up and held the blade firmly in his hand. "That sharpened well," he exclaimed, examining his handiwork. "…Will kill a good many foe now."

Maerad smiled lightly. "I think mine is fine enough for practice, but perhaps before Cadvan and I leave, you could hone mine?

"Yes, yes," he replied quickly. "It would better suit you if it were charmed, but I haven't the time," he mumbled shaking his head in frustration. Maerad noted the grimace span across his face. Indik's personality was of an impervious nature and she could never understand what he was thinking, what move he might make next. She enjoyed the suspense of his company. "Enough of this idle chit-chat," he interrupted her reflection and handed her a wooden pole. "We won't be needing swords today. I want to teach you a new skill."

Taking the long weapon into her hand, she wondered how anyone could fight with such an obvious disadvantage. "How would this kill a hull?" she pondered, glancing at Indik for a response; he simply rolled his eyes. "Has Cadvan not taught you a thing?" he frowned, repositioning her hands farther apart.

"Well," she began, "yes, he has," she refuted. Her cheeks turned crimson as his gaze penetrated her skin. "But I don't think using a staff was greatest importance on his list."

"Well, it should be. A staff can do many things; you can fight two enemies at once, parry an attack, knock a soldier off his mount, and best of all," he showed her motions in the air, "..if you lose your sword, you can use almost anything that is of required length as a staff," he ended.

"Yes, I suppose your right," she smirked, observing as he battled an imaginary enemy. Indik loved his craft and enjoyed teaching others combat skills. She hoped one day she would find her own fulfillment in something. _Or someone._

"Good. Now that you got the independence out of your head, we can begin," he said harshly before revealing a small grin. He knew her well enough to be suspicious of her early arrival but said nothing of it to her as they began training.

* * *

She walked into the heart of Innail where people buzzed to and fro in the midday sun. She worked her way past the blockades of fruits and assorted products in their respectful stands, heading back to the main bard house. She was relieved when she entered its cool interior, the shadows painting dark caverns across the room as her eyes adjusted to the sudden variation. "Cadvan?" She glanced around the empty hall.

"You're late," she heard him whisper, hugging her from behind. "What took you so long?" he inquired, leaning over her shoulder and resting his head against hers.

"I'm quite early." She shrugged him off and playfully found a window seat that overlooked a meadow garden. "What have you been doing?" she tried to make conversation; she still wasn't quite comfortable with displaying her affections.

"I had to speak with Malgorn about a few things, mainly concerning our journey. It seems that many still frown upon your decision of making me your sole tutor," he grumbled, grabbing after a piece of fruit on the table. "But I have made provision nevertheless; we have enough supplies to hold us over for a fortnight."

"Will we be gone that long?" she wondered aloud, still gazing at the beautiful roses that clung to the window frame.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. But perhaps its not as terrible as you assume, Maerad. We get to travel again," he explained softly. His low voice caused the hair on her neck to stand on end. She enjoyed being in the wilderness with Cadvan; it was dangerous and lovely all at once, a complexity she desired to return to. But even as she thought it, she wasn't completely used to being open with Cadvan; there was still something she wasn't sure of.

"Cadvan," she started, looking at him as he ate his vegetarian feast. "I'm glad to call you my friend."

He kissed the crown of her head as he leaned over her. "What are you doing?" she laughed, ducking so that his torso wouldn't crush her.

Snatching a rose blossom off the nearest branch, he came back inside the room and sat next to her. "This rose is beautiful," he eyed it. "But hidden within its beauty is a danger; one that you can't see until its too late," he added, pulling back the delicate petals to reveal a small bumble bee. It flew out at him, hitting his face before finding its way to the open window. "Such is it with love," he smirked, handing her the flower.

"What does the bee represent?" she asked confused.

"The _Luin _cannot abandon the flower- they are interconnected and thrive off one another; there are times when need drives it to act in desperate measures."

"Desperate measures?" she repeated his words.

"For example, giving its life to defend its prize," he told her, taking her free hand.

"You are a beautiful poet, Cadvan of Lirigon. However, your analogies are as riddles," she chuckled, wafting the heavenly aroma that hung in the in air.

"I'll have you know it's a perfect analogy," he said somewhat defensively. "The two are separate identities, but they need each other to survive. Without the other, the one is useless. That is how I see us."

Maerad blushed and looked away. "I am simply saying that without you, I would be lost. I would have no purpose," he supplemented his previous thought.

Maerad nodded. "But with love comes its dangers," she refuted, replicating Cadvan's observation of the center of the rose.

"Aye, but is life not full of precarious situations?" He touched her face with delicate hands and she trembled slightly under his touch. He knew the fears that crept into her mind, the wanting and longing that had begun to override the horrible experiences of her past. But he couldn't understand why she feared him. Shifting uneasily, he caught her hand. "I must bid you farewell; I have an appointment I must attend. But I will leave you with this, my love- not all is darkened by night."

He kissed her gently before he left and Maerad winced for lack of reaction; Cadvan didn't comprehend why she couldn't show love. He exited the room slowly, taking a moment by the door to look into her eyes before duties swept him away. Maerad unfolded the crumpled the piece of paper he had jammed into her hand slowly. She had trouble reading the words but eventually she understood Cadvan's riddles- he truly loved her. Without fear of reaction and without reserve. And he would do anything to protect her.

Love me without fear  
Trust me without questioning  
Need me without demanding  
Want me without restrictions  
Accept me without change  
Desire me without inhibitions  
For a love so free….  
Will never fly away.

-Cadvan

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**AW! Does that not tie in to the whole Flower/bee and love/ analogy? ^_^ _* I love the fact I was able to use this in a different way. The new ending worked out so perfectly! ^_^ Please review and let me know my time was worth while! So yeah , I'm sure it has some mistakes and it might flow smooth in some spots, but i'll fix it. I'm just wicked tired and have shopping to do. LOL so just let me know! Thanks!_**

**_-Kiaga_**


	11. Winter celebration

_Happy holidays everyone! =D I decided to do this oneshot instead of updating my other fics, as it only took me a little while to write and I have no time to put into writing right now because of Christmas. But you needn't fear. I shall update after things calm down a bit. _

_This is based somewhat on the idea of a winter solstice celebration. Hope you enjoy it. I also challenge you to find out what part I used from the book ^_^ Please review! It will be my holiday gift. _

_Dedicated to Drew, who is my love and whom I want to spent forever with. =)_

_note: I fixed up the spelling errors on my own accord_

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Maerad rushed downstairs, her heels slapping the worn wooden steps. She was glad of the newly arrived snowfall and the long awaited visitor brought along with it. The handsome fellow was certainly sure of himself, stepping across the snow with frustrating ease as she frantically threw a robe on. She hopped off the bottom step and glanced at herself in the mirror.

_By the light! _How had her hair gotten into such a tangle? An instant image of herself sprawled out on her bed at her recent discovery crept into her mind, heating her cheeks. "Blasted man!" she muttered aloud. She met her own gaze in the mirror as she tugged out a pin and tried to fix her curls where they stuck out at odd angles. This was all Cadvan's fault; had he not returned home so early, she would not look a fright. She would have been fully dressed and ready to parade downstairs and meet him with open arms; but not now. Now, he would bear the burden of finding her in a disorganized frenzy.

Maerad remembered Silvia's words. "_A welcoming feast is always a joyous time." _

Maerad sighed. She could smell the enticing meats turning on spits over the fire, and the iron rage that must have been crowded with pots steaming and bubbling. She imagined the risen breads taken out of the ovens, left to cool on clean cloths in the breezeway. A different delicious smell emanated from each corner of her chamber, and Maeard couldn't help but feel nervous at the approaching celebration. _Nim Or,_literally meaning "White Day," had begun at daybreak, signaling the winter solstice and the expectations of a fruitful new year. With these hours came many splendiferous feelings that Maerad as well as the other bards had difficulty sorting out. Cadvan's appearance had only thrown things into deeper chaos.

Since he had left for a brief visit to his cousin in Milhol, much had changed. Furniture had been rearranged, people had moved away. New born infants had joined the world and Cadvan had earned a prodigious position as Lirigon's first bard. But all seemed to fade compared to Maerad's personal changes. With the onset of winter, she had begun to notice it, a warmth within her stomach building indescribable joy at what it meant for her future. What it would mean to Cadvan.

She stood by the newly kindled fire and looked helplessly about the room; she wasn't sure what his reaction would be. "Maerad?"

A smirked crept across her face as she heard a faint knock. "Come in." She took a deep breath in as the door creaked open and Cadvan's bright eyes peeked around its edge.

A brilliant smile covered his face as he shut it carefully behind him and crossed his arms. "Have you been sleeping?" he asked curiously. "It's late, you know.." -Apparently she hadn't put enough effort into her appearance.

Maerad nodded, her cheeks turning red as she turned to the window. "Yes, I've been a bit tired lately," she explained, a yawn working its way upward from her throat.

"I'm teasing, you Maerad," he laughed as he joined her side. "You'll need plenty of rest for the festivities tonight shall bring," he assured. "This reminded me of you while I was gone."

He pulled a beautiful dress of deep crimson, richly embroidered on the neck and sleeves with gold threads, and laid it on the bed covers. "Do you like it?" he asked attentively. He had mused so long whether it suited her beauty.

Maerad clicked her tongue. "Gifts are meant for after the meal Cadvan; tradition calls for it."

He shrugged. "Not all rules are etched in gold."

"I doubt it will fit," she replied somberly.

Cadvan frowned. "No, no Maerad. Today is a great celebration! The winter solstice only comes once a year, and brings the best out in all people. It will fit, I promise. If you don't like it, simply wear it as a token of my love for you." Evidently Cadvan was in great spirits and more determined to lift hers from her sudden mood swing. "Please?"

As he spoke, he caressed her cheek with gently fingers and stunned by the glorious love pulse through her veins, Maerad leaned forward and kissed him lightly. "I will have to wear it next year."

Indifferent to her stubborn nature, Cadvan pulled away slightly. "You don't like it," he studied her face. "I'm sorry."

Maerad shook her head. "I do love it. I'm just afraid I've got nothing to give you."

Cadvan raised an eyebrow. "I do not wish for anything, save your love and understanding." He stroked a finger across her lush lips until he paused. "You're..glowing," he chuckled.

This was it; every moment in her life had culminated to this moment, to this pause in time where everything would stand still. Birds would not sing the song of winter, nor would the smell of the tempting food waft through her nostrils. No one existed except Cadvan. His dark hair, his warm hands on her forearms, his gentle breath against her face as he held her close; his heart beating in rhythm with hers. They had been one; they were one, and in this moment every sense of hesitation and fear disappeared from her being as she grabbed his hands. "Cadvan," she began, a smile creeping onto here face as she brought them to rest upon her belly.

For a moment, his eyebrows furrowed until he exhaled and swallowed hard. "Are you..." he started, losing his train of thought.

Maerad knew it was so overwhelming, for her own lungs felt collapsed."This is the only gift I can offer you," she whispered. More than anything she wanted to jump with joy but rationality told her to wait.

"I-" he began again, observing her face. His hands trembled slightly against the fabric of her gown as he shifted them slightly. A knock rang at the door and a bard called them for dinner. "You're pregnant?" he asked finally.

Tears of happiness fell down Maerad's face. "Yes."

With a deep breath, he pulled her close before he spun her around the room. "Love is much better gift," he murmured and smiled into her hair.

Although he didn't admit it, Cadvan of Lirigon had never been so ecstatic in his life....at least until the day of his daughter's birth, that is.

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**=) As Cadvan says, Love means so much more than worldy gifts. And regardless if that sounds sappy or not, it's true. So everyone have a Merry Christmas filled with it!**

**Love,**

**Kiaga**


	12. One Day

_This one-shot should suffice until I update Denouement. __I hope you like it; it has definitely helped me out of my writer's block. I would like to think it is a bit different in style compared to the other fics I've written, but who knows._

_I would appreciate any feedback through a review. Thanks! =)_

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It was half past midnight, the crescent moon still in its infancy. A shroud of mist hung along the base of Osidh Annova, and the mountain's haunting shadow stretched far across the land at its feet. A sheet of stars painted the ceiling high above the _Dhillarear_ë, wide swathes of glowing beacons becoming of the mid-sized School below. Innail was the name of this establishment, its many buildings and towers reigning triumphantly within the sight of the mountain range. Ribbons of smoke billowed into the air not far from the city's center. They were the only evidence to the once towering fires that lit up the evening, save the statuesque woman who stood solemnly beside one of the dying conflagrations.

Her slender figure accounted for her frailty, her dark hair matching the grief displayed on her face. A mourning veil was pulled back from the woman's tear-stained cheeks and rested on the crown of her head. The ebony gown she wore blew wildly in a gust of wind and accentuated the loneliness in her heart.

She wept for the dead, for those whose bodies had been burned in the aftermath of the war. All their loved ones- children, mothers, sisters, husbands and wives had collected earlier in the evening to pay homage to the dead, before their souls passed beyond the reach of time. She had been amongst the crowd of weeping bards, shedding her own tears for what _she_ had lost. _Had I only been stronger, Hem would not be among the dead,_ she thought sadly.

"_Nir liena," _a soft voice spoke behind her. Maerad did not turn. "It's late."

The man had been witness to the brutal events, the screams of agony that filled her recent dreams with bitter memories of the days past. He had gallantly fought off the minions of the Nameless One, suffering his own wounds to defend the Light. Had it not been for his strength, Maerad too, would've succumbed to evil that had stolen her young brother.

"I just wanted to stay until the fire went out," her voice echoed in the eerie silence. "...Until I could bear the grief long enough to walk away."

Her voice was filled with much emotion as Cadvan joined her side and gazed at the growing pile of ashes. He could feel the simmering heat against his skin as it staved off the chill of the night. He would've gladly accepted the warmth had it not been the knowledge that its fuel had been his friends. It was with this thought that Cadvan felt a rush of hatred and sorrow race across his body. He was glad that Sharma was dead.

Maerad stole a glance at him and saw grief mirrored in his eyes. While she had sat indoors crying, he had amassed enough will to help build the numerous towers of wood and fuel. When all was finished, he had assisted the healers in laying the bodies side by side on the platforms until all the dead were assembled atop the tinder. Maerad had entered the outer courtyard as a single torch was placed inside each pillar and observed the flames licking the bodies that had made her sick. Cadvan was much stronger than she would ever be.

Maerad's attention was torn from the crackling fire when he cleared his throat and turned to face her.

"I know what it is like to lose a sibling." His voice was quiet.

Maerad furrowed her eyebrows and met his sad, tired eyes. "_What_?"

"My mother died when I was six, giving birth to my youngest brother, _Morvan._ The others died of various illnesses; they never made it to adulthood."

Maerad was speechless at his confession; Cadvan had never told her this before. "I-" she began uncertainly. "I did not know you had any family."

She had assumed that like the rest of his past, such information would never be handed out willingly. Inside, Maerad knew that Cadvan was doing what he thought would comfort her- showing that he knew what she was feeling; that she wasn't _alone. _He had been somewhat right in his assumptions.

_"How stupid is it that such information is comforting?" _she asked him through mind-speech. A lump had risen in her throat and she couldn't use her voice.

_"_There was not a cause more worthy of Hem's life, than that which took him from this world," Cadvan spoke thoughtfully. He swallowed hard as a flame found another source of ignition and grew brighter. "He fought with much dignity, Maerad, and you must honor him enough to let him keep it, wherever he is. There will come a point in time where you will _have_ to let go."

"But I love him too much," she tore her eyes away from Cadvan's. "_I love him too much.."_

_"I loved him too, Maerad,"_ Cadvan's voice was unusually strained.

For an instant, Maerad could see Hem's face clearly before her, his wild hair tousled about his small head. In spite of his age, Hem had always been the strongest twelve year old boy she'd ever met. When he had told her of Zelika, she had glimpsed herself within him and it had always given her hope even in the darkest of nights. Now, she would never talk with him, hold him, or otherwise converse with her brother until she too, passed through the gates.

A fresh wave of tears emerged from her eyes, and she reacted by burying her face in Cadvan's chest. Her body rocked with tremors, as he held her close. "I have no one," she sobbed. "Everything I love has been stolen from me."

"_I am here, Maerad. I will never leave you,"_ he reminded her. He kissed her forehead and gently picked her up. "I'm taking you inside," he whispered. "You haven't rested in days."

Maerad nodded slowly and closed her eyes. In her mind, she imagined Hem smiling at her, the joy not lost from his face. He appeared untouched, perfect as he had in her dreams, only he had a voice that lulled her into sleep. _"It will be all right, Maerad."_

And somehow, she knew that one day it would be.


	13. Soron

_**Author Note: **I found this while going through my documents. I do not want to lose this piece, and so I will post it under my oneshots. I appreciate feedback, and hope that despite Soron being a lesser known character, you will enjoy it. Thank you._

~oOoOo~

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~oOoOo~

Soron admired the stone memorial he had constructed with a critical eye. It had taken him several days and sleepless nights to decide where to build it. He had wanted it to be the most beautiful, peaceful place in Til Amon, an area that would be his and Jerika's, and only theirs. The blonde haired Bard stepped back, and realized with a pang in his chest that he had accomplished his mission. The memorial stood at the edge of a meadow overlooking the city, encompassed by a grove of willow trees whose wooden arms stretched towards the heavens majestically, their leaves falling like tears unto the grave that stood before him. Jerika would love it. _Jerika would love it if she knew, _he corrected himself.

Soron swallowed hard. _Jerika. His love. His life_. He had not found her body, nor had Saliman or Hem. He wanted to believe that she could have escaped, perhaps by the sea, but a deeper knowing told him that escape from Turbansk had been impossible. There had been too many enemies, they had been outnumbered...her only hope for escape had been to travel with them through the underground tunnels, and alas she had not.

His face became a melting pot of emotions as that reality hit him. He lowered his head and began sobbing uncontrollably, shielding his face in his hands. He fell to his knees. Gasps of agony escaped him. He reached out to steady himself against the white gravestone. He clenched his fists in anger. He felt so much hurt, so much resentment. Saliman, his good friend, had lost his home. Hem was just a boy and had watched his friend succumb to the darkness. And he...he had lost something most dear to him. He punched the nearest tree in frustration. Blood trickled down his hand onto his cloak, but he didn't care; he didn't feel anything anymore. His life as of late had been like a flash of lighting: beautiful for one electrifying moment, and then its beauty faded. In its place was darkness. Eternal darkness.

Til Amon would be the next to fall. Sharma would continue his route from Den Raven northward, crushing those in his path. His School was the last before Annar; in his heart, he knew all would be lost if Til Amon fell. Saliman had forseen this, and had hurried Hem out of the City. He could not blame his friends; Hem had a greater destiny that he had to live to fulfill, but he wished that he could've had more time. More time to comfort Saliman, to speak of Jerika with the only one who understood his pain. And now, he had no time to prepare for another battle. A battle that could very well claim his life.

He studied the dripping blood. "_At least this pain I can deal with." _His head pounded, and he felt sick with disgust. He had so easily given up hope for Til Amon, had so quickly denied the strength the city and its people held. He let his thoughts linger back to those waiting for him inside the city. He saw their vexatious faces in his mind, and the expression they held when he had told him he needed time to think. They had not objected, but they had been fearful of being left alone. He knew they would need guidance, a strong leader. He knew that he could help save his home. He could not afford to be a coward. He would be brave for Jerika. He had to. It would avenge her death.

He found the strength to stand up, his legs wobbling slightly under his weight. He wiped his face with the back of his hand and took one last look at the grave. "My dear Jerika...I did not think I could live without you. I thought I would die, that I would be unwilling to live another day. But in your death I have found strength. Strength to defend our people. You have taught me so much."

He looked back towards the School. He could heard the laughter of children carried on the wind and the smell of fresh bread rising in the ovens. Cows bellowed in the nearby pastures, and chickens squawked in protest. There was so much life everywhere that Soron was surprised to feel relief. Death was not so permanent when life continued on. He knew that as long as this place survived, as long as he remembered her, Jerika would never die.

He knew what he had to do and he began walking away from her grave. "Goodbye my love."

He didn't stop to look back.


End file.
